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Husband texts to wife on cell..
"Hi, what r u doing Darling ?"
Wife: I'm dying....!
Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?"
Wife: "U idiot ! I'm dying my hair.."
Husband: "Bloody English Language..!!!!����
Showing posts with label On Women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label On Women. Show all posts
Insult of the day......
Wife was making Maggi noodles......
She calls hubby and asked to have sex with her......
Husband was surprise but happily fucked & asked.....
why suddenly you invited me for sex in the Kitchen ??
Wife.... " The Timer is Not Working "
And
I Know that You dont last more than 2 minutes...
��
Aalia Bhat gets a job as a physical education teacher for 16 –18 year olds.
First day in school, she notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun, kicking a football.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
‘ Are you ok?’ she asks.
‘Yes,’ he replies.
‘You can go and play with the other kids, you know,’ she says.
‘It’s best I stay here,’ he says.
‘Why’s that, sweetie?’ asks Aalia Bhat
The boy looks at her incredulously and says: “Because I’m the Goal Keeper”
FIFA Special By Alia Bhatt
First day in school, she notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun, kicking a football.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
‘ Are you ok?’ she asks.
‘Yes,’ he replies.
‘You can go and play with the other kids, you know,’ she says.
‘It’s best I stay here,’ he says.
‘Why’s that, sweetie?’ asks Aalia Bhat
The boy looks at her incredulously and says: “Because I’m the Goal Keeper”
FIFA Special By Alia Bhatt
My dear wife:
The Fifa World Cup is close by.
Let me give you a few rules that will preserve your beauty.
1. The remote control belongs to me for the whole month.
2. Tell all your friends not to give birth or wed or die or whatever during the World Cup coz we won’t go.
3. No talking during the game, wait for half-time or end of the game.
4. Repeats & highlights are as good as the main match, so am gonna watch them..
5. We can watch STAR PLUS provided actors and actresses are wearing soccer jerseys and they are in brazil.
6. You dont just pass infront of the tv if am watching soccer, u better crawl on the floor.
7. Make sure you don’t ask silly questions such as; is this Chelsea versus England?
8. No funny faces to my friends when they come for soccer.
9. There shall be no comments about Cristiano Ronaldo’s looks. Professinalism shall remain an absolute part of the WC.
10. If you miss the line up please dont ask, ‘who is that guy?’
11. Ronaldo the Brazilian and Ronaldo the Portuguese are not related, Tanzania and Kenya did not qualify.
Thank you,
GENTLEMAN’S ASSOCIATION.
The Fifa World Cup is close by.
Let me give you a few rules that will preserve your beauty.
1. The remote control belongs to me for the whole month.
2. Tell all your friends not to give birth or wed or die or whatever during the World Cup coz we won’t go.
3. No talking during the game, wait for half-time or end of the game.
4. Repeats & highlights are as good as the main match, so am gonna watch them..
5. We can watch STAR PLUS provided actors and actresses are wearing soccer jerseys and they are in brazil.
6. You dont just pass infront of the tv if am watching soccer, u better crawl on the floor.
7. Make sure you don’t ask silly questions such as; is this Chelsea versus England?
8. No funny faces to my friends when they come for soccer.
9. There shall be no comments about Cristiano Ronaldo’s looks. Professinalism shall remain an absolute part of the WC.
10. If you miss the line up please dont ask, ‘who is that guy?’
11. Ronaldo the Brazilian and Ronaldo the Portuguese are not related, Tanzania and Kenya did not qualify.
Thank you,
GENTLEMAN’S ASSOCIATION.
The old farmer married a young girl of 18 and after a few
months of idyllic married life, he went to see his doctor.
“The problem is I’m having to work many hours on the farm
but I have to keep breaking off when I get the urge, to run
back to the house, jump into bed and do the business. Then
it’s back to work, and it’s knackering me.”
The doctor suggested that his wife should come to see him
out in the fields.
“Every time you get the urge,” said the doctor, “fire a shot
from your gun to let your wife know you’re waiting for her.
A few months passed and then the doctor met the old farmer
in the high street.
“How’s the shotgun plan working?” he asked.
months of idyllic married life, he went to see his doctor.
“The problem is I’m having to work many hours on the farm
but I have to keep breaking off when I get the urge, to run
back to the house, jump into bed and do the business. Then
it’s back to work, and it’s knackering me.”
The doctor suggested that his wife should come to see him
out in the fields.
“Every time you get the urge,” said the doctor, “fire a shot
from your gun to let your wife know you’re waiting for her.
A few months passed and then the doctor met the old farmer
in the high street.
“How’s the shotgun plan working?” he asked.
A woman was reading a newspaper when she heard a knock on the door. She opened it and saw a homeless guy standing there.
He asked if he could spend a night or two there, and the woman said he could, as long as he didn't mess anything up.
That night, the hobo looked around for something he could use as a blanket, and then he saw a clothesline outside the barn. He pulled a skirt off the clothesline and was about to head inside the barn when the woman ran outside.
"Don't take my skirt in the barn!" she yelled.
The hobo muttered an apology and put the skirt back.
He was trying to fall asleep but a donkey kept wandering into the barn and bothering him. He wanted it to go away so he slapped the donkey.
The woman ran back outside. "Don't slap my poor donkey! And don't do anything else like this either!"
He apologized and tried to go to sleep after that.
Then a cat walked into the barn and tried to curl up on his lap. It was a sweet cat, but he was allergic to cat fur, so he shaved the cat.
Before he knew it, the woman was outside again. "Okay. If you do anything else like that I'm calling the police!"
He apologized again and tried to fall asleep. But he couldn't because a couple owls kept making noise. He tried to ignore it but could not, so he went outside, grabbed both of the owls, and squeezed them. The owls were surprised and quickly flew away.
The woman ran outside again. "Okay, that's it. You're leaving!"
She grabbed her phone and dialed 911. "911! Please help! A hobo pulled my skirt down, slapped my ass, shaved my pussy, and squeezed my hooters!"
He asked if he could spend a night or two there, and the woman said he could, as long as he didn't mess anything up.
That night, the hobo looked around for something he could use as a blanket, and then he saw a clothesline outside the barn. He pulled a skirt off the clothesline and was about to head inside the barn when the woman ran outside.
"Don't take my skirt in the barn!" she yelled.
The hobo muttered an apology and put the skirt back.
He was trying to fall asleep but a donkey kept wandering into the barn and bothering him. He wanted it to go away so he slapped the donkey.
The woman ran back outside. "Don't slap my poor donkey! And don't do anything else like this either!"
He apologized and tried to go to sleep after that.
Then a cat walked into the barn and tried to curl up on his lap. It was a sweet cat, but he was allergic to cat fur, so he shaved the cat.
Before he knew it, the woman was outside again. "Okay. If you do anything else like that I'm calling the police!"
He apologized again and tried to fall asleep. But he couldn't because a couple owls kept making noise. He tried to ignore it but could not, so he went outside, grabbed both of the owls, and squeezed them. The owls were surprised and quickly flew away.
The woman ran outside again. "Okay, that's it. You're leaving!"
She grabbed her phone and dialed 911. "911! Please help! A hobo pulled my skirt down, slapped my ass, shaved my pussy, and squeezed my hooters!"