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Showing posts with label Funny Jocks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny Jocks. Show all posts

Sunny leone : Mujhe koi aisi sabzi do jiske 7 faayde hon !

Sabzi wala: Ye Lo madam Gajar !!









1: Pasand aaye to Aloo Matar ke saath paka lena...  Warna ..










2: Juice bana ke pe sakti ho... Nahi to ..










3: Salad bana sakti ho... Ye bhi  na karo to ..










4: Gaajar ka halwa bana lena... Nahi to ..






5: Chinese noodles mein daal lena... Aisa bhi nahi to phir ..











6:  Murabba bana sakte ho... Ye bhi na ho to ..














7: Achaar bana lena !!

Bhai  !!! Jo tu dhoond raha hai wo nahi milega...
Post dekh kis Sanskaari  ne bheji he. 

Define girl...
.
.
.
The 1 who
b4 goin out for a party,
Gets
Facial,
Bleach,
Waxing,
Hair curling/straighting,
Threading,
Toning,
Scrubing,
Moisturising,
done
&
Puts on
Lipstik,
LipGloss,
Lipliner,
Perfume,
Body toner,
Body lotion,
Eye liner,
Eye shadow,
Eye maskara,
Foundation,
Face powder,
Rings,
Bracelets,
Neckless,
Nail Print
Party dres,
Sandal
Purse
,
and
Says-
"Yaar,jaldi me kuch kia hi ni, aise hi
uth kr aa gyi..."
Define
boy...
.
.
.
The one who b4 goin 2 party calls his frnd & asks :
"Bhai, tu nahaa k aayega kya?"
Frnd Reply : chal be tere baap ki baraat hai !!!!! :A

What are the first three words that Sunny Leone speaks every morning ??

Jaago grahak jaago

Boy & Girl Walking In The park..
Boy: can I hold your Hand...?

Girl: why....?
Do you think I would run Away...!

Boy: No... I just wanna see,
How It feels Walking in heaven
with an Angel my side..!! 

Husband texts to wife on cell..

"Hi, what r u doing Darling ?"

Wife: I'm dying....!

Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?"

Wife: "U idiot ! I'm dying my hair.."

Husband: "Bloody English Language..!!!!����

Interviewer: Let me check ur english, tell me d opposite of good.?
Me: Bad.
Interviewer: Come?
Me: Go.
Interviewer: Ugly?
Me: Pichhlli.
Interviewer: PICHLLI?
Me: UGLY.
Interviewer: Shut Up.
Me: Keep talking.
Interviewer: Ok, now stop all dis.
Me: Ok, now carry on all dis.
Interviewer: Abey, chup ho ja..chup ho ja..chup ho jaa.
Me: Abey bolta ja..bolta ja..bolta ja.
Interviewer: Arey, yaar.
Me: Arey dushman.
Interviewer: Get Out.
Me: Come In.
Interviewer: Oh my God.
Me: Oh, my devil.
Interviewer: shhhhhhh
Me: Hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Interviewer: mere bap chup hoja
Me: mere bete bolta reh
Interviewer: U are rejected.
Me: I m selected.....!!! ������

D0UBLE MEANING ki limit:
Dad apne bete pappu ka result
lene school gaye.
Dad:Madam, kab dogi? kafi der
se mera Pappu KHADA hai.
Madam: Period to khatam hone
do
--------------- ------------
Awarded Double Meaning Joke:
lady to rikshwalla"...under tak
jaayega?"
rikshawalla"bilkul jaayega
madam, aapke liye toh khada
kiya hai."
lady"thik hai toh..ghumake
phicche se le lo...."��
--------------- ---------
Dudhwala ��Continuously
Ringing Door Bell.
Lady from Inside:
Bhaiya kitna Dabaoge,
Ab bas bhi karo.
Tumse accha To Paperwala��
hai;
Chupchap Neeche se Daal Deta
hai.��.....
-------''------ --------------
Most confusing double meaning
joke..
:
Girl: aaj office jate hi boss mujpe
chad gaya!
Friend : Q???
Girl: Main"late gayi"thi..
--------------- -----------
1st frnd to 2 Friend'
"Lay mithai kha!"
2nd Friend: Kis baat ki?
1st frnd:
Teri Bhabhi call centre me job
karti hai,
aur usko Best"CALL GIRL"ka
Award mila hay!
--------------- -----------
DHABE Pe PATI Ne 1 BANANA
SHAKE
&PATNI Ne 2 mosambi juice
Piye.
Counter Pe Payment K Time
WAITER Ne AAWAZ Di:
BHAIYA Ka 1 KELA
Aur BHABHI Ka 2 Mosambi Kaat
lena.
-������
--------------- ------------
Simran to Doctor :
Maine galti se meri Bhabhi ki
iPill kha li,
kya kru?
Dr: Bindaas ghoomo
Dosto ko khush karo,
72 ghanto k liye
Prepaid ho gayi ho .....
Jaa simran Jaa..��.....
Jee le apni zindagi...
Aalia Bhat gets a job as a physical education teacher for 16 –18 year olds.
First day in school, she notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun, kicking a football.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
‘ Are you ok?’ she asks.
‘Yes,’ he replies.
‘You can go and play with the other kids, you know,’ she says.
‘It’s best I stay here,’ he says.
‘Why’s that, sweetie?’ asks Aalia Bhat
The boy looks at her incredulously and says: “Because I’m the Goal Keeper”

FIFA Special By Alia Bhatt
My dear wife:
The Fifa World Cup is close by.
Let me give you a few rules that will preserve your beauty.
1. The remote control belongs to me for the whole month.
2. Tell all your friends not to give birth or wed or die or whatever during the World Cup coz we won’t go.
3. No talking during the game, wait for half-time or end of the game.
4. Repeats & highlights are as good as the main match, so am gonna watch them..
5. We can watch STAR PLUS provided actors and actresses are wearing soccer jerseys and they are in brazil.
6. You dont just pass infront of the tv if am watching soccer, u better crawl on the floor.
7. Make sure you don’t ask silly questions such as; is this Chelsea versus England?
8. No funny faces to my friends when they come for soccer.
9. There shall be no comments about Cristiano Ronaldo’s looks. Professinalism shall remain an absolute part of the WC.
10. If you miss the line up please dont ask, ‘who is that guy?’

11. Ronaldo the Brazilian and Ronaldo the Portuguese are not related, Tanzania and Kenya did not qualify.
Thank you,
GENTLEMAN’S ASSOCIATION.
A man takes his seat at a FIFA world cup final.
He looks to his left & notices that there is a spare seat between himself & the next guy.
MAN: “who would ever miss the FIFA world cup final?”
GUY: “that was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last five world cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.”
MAN: “oh… that’s terrible, and very sweet of you to have her here symbolically by having a vacant seat .. ..but these are expensive tickets;  couldn’t you have brought another family member, friend or someone else with you?”

GUY: “no…they are all at her funeral!”

Pls... scrol down at ur own risk...

Q1. RAM SITA HAI ... TO RAM KAUN HAI ?? ...

Ans - . TAILOR ( darzi )
������

Q2. SITA RAM HAI TO SITA KAUN HAI

Ans - . Sita MEMORY hai (RAM: Random Access Memory)
������

Q3. Prasad ask's Kumble to bring a pepsi... Kumble brings a bottle of pepsi but goes directly to Tendulkar.? why ??
why ??


Ans:- Tendulkar is an opener


Q4. The Madrasi said, I want to see the movie 'heart is umbrella'...

Which movie did he really want to see..?

Ans:- Dil Chhata Hai...!
������

Q5. Woh kya hai jo Dil main hain, Mann main hai par Dhadkan main nahi?

Ans:- aarey Aamir Khan !!!!!!!
������

Q6. What will! u call a person who is leaving India ?? Socho...............

Ans:- Hindustan Lever (Leaver).


Q7. Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha us ka naam kya tha?

Ans:- adidas


Q8. Luv and Kush are going to a village & in between comes a well. Luv falls into the well. Why ?

Ans:- Because Luv is blind!!!!!��
����������������

Now Kush also jumps inside. Why? OK lot's of head scratching done.

Ans:- Luv ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!!!!
������������

Q9. Jackie Chan ki saas ka naam kya hai?.. nahi pata..??

Ans:- D'Cold
(Chain ki saans - D'cold )


Q10. chalo ab batao... Jackie Chan ki bahu ka naam kya hai ? this is quite simple..

Ans:- D'Cold again...

Kyunki saans bhi kabhi bahu thi...
����������������

!!!!!. This Joke will destroy your power of thinking

Q11.. What do you call a Cow Dancing? . . . . . . . . . . . .

Ans:  "Guidance.."!


Geography Teacher: agar koi chota planet
prithvi se takraye toh kya hoga?
Student: to "Tadang" jaisa aavaj aayega.
Sir gusse se: Kyu ??
Student: "Ye Duniya ,,,,Ye Duniya Pittal di.

dont kill me aftr dis...��

Girl at a stationary store.
Girl: I want a calculator.
Shopkeeper: Casio?
Girl: Main thik hu aap kaise ho??


Ek jungle me sab jaanwar ga rahe the, PAAN PARAAG PAAN MASALA- PAAN
PARAG!
Par Giraffe nahi ga raha tha!
KYUN?

?
?

Kyuki,
UNCHE LOG! UNCHI PASAND
MANIKCHAND

����������

Why don!t ppl clap in Afghanistan?

?
?
?

Because there's the tali-ban!

����������

If u touch 2014 calender u will get a Shock
.
.
do u know y?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Bcoz
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
2014 is "CURRENT" year..

����������

This PJ might blow ur senses away:

What do u call a lady who drinks only one tea in a day ?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Jaswanti
(just 1 tea)...


Hum Roz Message Q Bhejte Hai?
Masti? NO

Timepass? NO

Hum Message Bhejte Hai
Taki Apki Reading Capacity Strong Ho.
Padhega INDIA,
Tabhi To Badhega INDIA.......!:��
Dhassu Breakup..
.
One day frustrated boy threw 6 cricket  balls on his gf..
.
GF: "wat the hell was that?"
.
BOY: "its over"....! 

Solid Beizzati....
.
.
.
Ladki Ne Apni Picture Upload Karke Likha : Hiii Friendzz Keisi Lag Rahi Hoon..?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Boy : Tere Baap Ne 30 Ya 40 Hazaar Ka Mobile
Leke Diya He,
To Ghar Me 500 Ka Sheesha Bhi Lagaya Hoga....
Uss Mein Dekh Le, Humse Kya Poochhti Hai "Chudaill" Kahi Ki....:)

Boy on date in
Restaurant -Jaan
tum se ek baat kehna
chahta
hun...
.
.
Girl - Kya.....??
.
.
Boy - I already have a
girl friend...
.
.
Girl - Dara diya saale,
mujhe
laga paise nai hai.....

Sunny Leone's mom: Beti glass ka doodh pee lo...
Sunny: No mama, mujhe nahi peena.
Maa: Beti agar doodh nahi piyogi to badi kaise hogi?
Sunny: maa aapko bhi toh doodh pasand nahi,
phir bhi aap badi ho gayi, Main bhi nahi piyungi to badi ho jaungi.
Maa: Achi bachiyan zid nahi karti, Agar meri achi beti ho to doodh pee lo, warna main tum se naraaz ho jaungi.
Sunny: OK mama, aap kehti hain toh main doodh pee leti hoon..

gut....gut...gut...

Aur is tarah Sunny ne doodh pee liya..

Sunny Leone ka naam sunte hi message end tak kitne gaur se padh rahe thhe !!!

bas karo darindo...

Soch Badlo...
Toh Desh Badlega...

Akela Modi kya-kya karega.....

Daru Ki VaJah Se Barbad Sharabi Ne Kasam Li Aur Ghar Se Daru Ki Khali Bottles Fekne Laga

1st Fekte Bola- Teri VaJah Se Meri Naukri Gayi

2nd Fekte Bola- Teri VaJah Se Mera Ghar Bika 

3rd Fekte Bola- Teri VaJah Se Meri Biwi Chali Gayi 

4th Uthai To Wo Bhari Hui Nikli ...Toh Bola-Tu Side Me Hoja Pagli, Tu To Bekasur Hai........

Girl:
Doctor sahab mere boyfriend ko
andar bula lijiye
.
.
.
Doctor:
Trust me mai shareef admi hu….
.
.
.
Girl:
Nahi Doctor Sahab, apki nurse
bahar
akeli hai, or mera boyfriend
shareef
nahi hai.... 

Wife:
jamva ma su banavu? 

Husband:
je faave te..Bol su banavis?

Wife:
tame je kaho te.

Husband:
daal bhaat banavi de

Wife:
bapore j to khadha ta

Husband:
To rotli shaak? 

Wife:
chhokrao kajiyo karse ����.

Husband:
to chhole puri faavse? 

Wife:
tel waali vastuo bau heavy lage chhe

Husband:
paratha?

Wife:
raatre na khavay e ��

Husband:
hotel thi lai aavu?

Wife:
Roj roj bahaar na kachra na khavay

Husband:
kadhi bhaat?

Wife:
dahi nathi

Husband:
idli sambhar?

Wife:
ema vaar lage.Pehla na kehvaye!

Husband:
ek kaam kar yaar
tu maggi banaavi aap

Wife:
pet nai bharaai maggi thi.
pachi paachha chevda chavana khaso.

Husband:
pasta?

Wife:
loose motion thai jase to??

Husband:
bhinda ke tindola?

Wife:
samaarva ma bau time jase

Husband:
�� fruit salad khai laiye chal have ����

Wife:
ema pet nai bharaai

Husband:
bafela vegetable?

Wife:
microwave haji  repaire nathi karavyu tame...

Husband:
khichdi banaavi de maari ma!

Wife:
cooker dhovanu baaki chhe...��

Husband:
toh pachhi su banaavis????? 

Wife:
tame je kaho te


American boy: Mom I'm dark even though u r white, why?

Mom: Listen son, Considering all mistakes n crazy things i had done in my youth, forget about you are Dark, just thank god that u dont bark!

Bhim & hedamba s'
Wats app chat
Must read..

Bhim: "Hi hidu"

Hedamba : "hi Bhimu"

Bhim :"gatu kya che?"(gatotgach)

Hedamba:"kalak ma 10 var pahad chadyo ne utaryo. Just playing"

Bhim :"opps...! Te thai gyo hase ne"

Hedamba :"baka, apno chokro che, thake??? Pahad thaki gyo che"

Bhim :" ohh ! I lov my kid gatu"

Hedamba : "and i lov u"

Bhim : "Lunch ma su banavyu"

Hedamba : "2000 rotla & 700 kg bateta nu shak"

Bhim :"hmmmmm ! Apne 3ney ne thai rese ne"

Hedamba :"na bhimu, aa to gatotgach nu lunch che, apnu have banavis"

Bhim :"thaki jas ne jaan ! I know"

Hedamba :"pyar kiya to thakna kya? Mobile muko and randhva dyo"

Bhim :"ok jaan..... lov u hidu"

Hidamba :"lov u too hubby"

Once free, Spend 30 secs here:

Husband was worried that his wife was having an hearing problem and he thought she might need a  hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

"Here's what you do,"
said the Doctor,
"stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.
If not, go to 30 feet,
then 20 feet,
and so on until you get a response.."

That evening,
his wife was in the kitchen cooking dinner,
and Rakesh thought of testing the same.
He says to himself,
"I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.?"

Then in a normal tone he asks,
"Honey, what's for dinner?"

No response....

So he moves closer to the kitchen,
about 30 feet from his wife and repeats,
"Honey, what's for dinner?"

Still No response...

Next he moves to the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his Wife and asks,
"Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again he gets No response...

So, he walks up to the kitchen door,
about 10 feet away.
"Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again there is No response....

So he walks right up behind her,
"Honey, what's for dinner?"

(You'll Love this)















"For God's sake Rakesh,
its  the FIFTH time I am telling you,
its 'AALOO PARATHA'.!"